Ten intrepid members of the CGS attended the Bulbury Woods Golf Club to compete for the honour of holding the CGS Pig. At an Extraordinary General Meeting of the CGS the night before, it had been agreed that the trophy would be competed for with a maximum Handicap of 28.
The weather forecast was not good, in fact there were mumblings about "forgetting the bloody golf and heading for the nearest pub" at the hotel . Sense (no comment on whether good or bad sense) however prevailed and all 10 teed off, no rain as yet from the lowering skies.
Early reports from around the course were that the leading players from yesterday were not yet living up to their form. Member Gibbins was even having a hard time holding on to his clubs, but more of that elsewhere. It was however being reported that Pete Brew was playing some very good golf, but not to worry as we all know Pete tails off towards the end of his round. Despite the forecast there was still no sign of the inclement weather until at last, as the middle group approached the 17th tee, the heavens opened... and closed again 30 seconds later. That was it!
After 4.5 hours of enjoyable golf (I was forced to put that in!)all 3 groups headed back to the Clubhouse for some well-earned refreshment.
The announcement of the results and the presentation ceremony were deferred until our return to the hotel. However one result was announced, albeit by the BBC, which brightened this member's day considerably - Villa drew 1-1 at Chelsea.
Back at the hotel, the results were duly pronounced, after the usual Committee conflab, with Pete Brew deservedly coming out on top, having been run close by our very own old pro Lofty Wray. The Pairs competition was won by Pete and Angus with 40 Stableford points. There was no winner of the longest drive (although rookie Kev Ryan came very close to actually getting the ball on the fairway) and no winner of the Nearest the Pig competition, despite attempts at 3 different Par-3 holes. Anybody else think our standards are dropping?
Two injuries were sustained during the competition for the Pig Trophy.
The first was experienced by Committee member Ian Wilson, who had played through the pain barrier on Friday with a trapped nerve. Ian had to quit halfway through the 18 holes with an extremely painful right arm. On a subsequent visit to his Osteopath, this was diagnosed as "Golfer's Elbow". NO! Don't laugh! That's what he said, Golfers Elbow. It's an injury apparently most usually sustained when hitting the ground instead of the ball. Ian claims, he "didn't actually get that near the ball so it couldn't be that".
The second, potentially fatal, injury occurred to Asteroid Havlin. "Sweaty Palms" Gibbins was teeing off with his Driver. As had been noticed earlier in his round (by me, obviously not Asteroid) Angus has a nasty habit of releasing his club at the top of his follow-through when he hits a particularly shit shot. This tends to send the club ballistically 15 yards behind him. Anyway, on this particular hole, AJG hit an absolute stinker and, as usual the club started it's inexorable 15 yard flight in reverse. Unfortunately, on this occasion, Asteroid was standing 10 yards directly behind Angus' tee off position. The inevitable of course occurred. The flying club caught poor old Kev full-bore across the chest and neck. Up to that point, I had seen nothing funnier in my life! Sorry Kev! My mirth was as nothing compared with the raucous laughter from the group behind who also witnessed the spectacle. Good sense prevailed and we splutteringly tried to ask Kev how he was. It took him a while to answer and he was obviously in some considerable pain. When questioned later what went through his mind when the incident occurred, Kev replied "I thought, My God! That's a club flying towards me! and then it hit me and it bloody hurt!" This commentators immediate thought in response was "If you'd spent less time thinking and more time getting out of the fucking way, we wouldn't be having this conversation!" We are happy to report that Kev went on to make a full recovery.
Editor's Note: For future reference Kev, when Angus takes out his Driver, the safest place to stand is 15 yards directly in front of the tee. This is because, in those 15 yards, Angus' famous snap-slice effect has kicked in and the ball can usually be found 3 fairways to the right.