Saturday Night Report

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Phil's bigger than Sidney Harbour
It's the last night. Those of us who've still got it can let our hair down without worrying about golf the next day. After the Suckling Pig presentation it was decided to head out for a curry. Some wanted starters only, some main courses only, so it's off to the Tandoori Nights for what was, for us, a remarkably civilised meal. As someone is still trying to neck the bottle of wine, bought by Kev H., most of us head to the nearest pub - "first pub on the right hand side" we all agreed. Anyway, the first pub was dead, so we went into the second (and hoped nobody found us), the Kings Head. The place looked fairly packed and there was what looked like a folk singer setting up for the evening. This guy's name was Sidney Harbour - I'm guessing stage name but who knows? Anyway we thought we'd give him a couple of pint's worth of our attention to start the evening off. This turned out to be one of the funniest night's entertainment I've ever seen. The man was a genius. He spent the whole evening ripping the piss, mercilessly out of all those present, together with those who started to come into the pub and thought better of it. It's very difficult to describe his act, but basically it consisted of soubriquets for anybody in sight - Kev Havlin in a striking shirt was the "Dulux Colour Chart", Ian was the "slim Colin Montgomerie", tea towel wearing Angus was "The twat in the Ben Sherman / Van Heusen shirt", Phil "should've gone to Specsavers, yellow-shirted Dick "looks like a banana", Lofty got two "That F.....g little midget trying to hide from me" and "Eh-oh to the teletubbie on the barstool". Dave copped for a few, including "Paging Mr. Townsend" in honour of his impending Grand-fatherhood through to "yam" in honour of being a brummie. None of this is the slightest bit funny until you consider he's putting it all to music, it all scans and he's also destroying the rest of the pub! His never to be forgotten finale which contained references to just about everybody there, include 15 rousing choruses of "Shagbag Sharon", the nickname he'd given to some poor girl who'd only come out for a quiet drink. You really had to be there. Anyway having decided on just a couple of pints in this pub, we left at closing time. One other thing to remember is Phil's superb rendition of "Ernie" using Dave's song sheets - why does he bring them? We'll never let him sing! My guts were aching - from laughing, nothing else. We eventually tottered round to the Hogshead, where Kev H reprised his habitual role in Narcolepsy III - The Bouncer's Revenge. Unfortunately they'd remembered him from the night before, so no amount of sweet talking from Dave could dissuade them of asking him to leave.
Finally, rumour has it that Mrs. Angus has booked a weekend for the family in Poole. He was worried that the place she had booked was the King's Head and they'd be kept awake with "shagbag Sharon" reverberating through the floorboards. Not to worry Angus, she's booked the place next door, The Antelope - miles away!

Hell from Sidney

The King's Head

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